Saturday, May 13, 2006
The Key to a Good Relationship
When I began blogging a few months ago, I kept the endeavor to myself. I wanted to get my feet wet, to see if my efforts would catch momentum and morph into a new pastime before embarrassing myself by promoting something that died before going to press.

Around my thirtieth or so post, it became clear I’d crossed the barrier between fading interest and enthusiasm. I’d personalized my page, linked to my photography and even bought myself a small digital camera – for those moments one just has to capture in effort to write the perfect essay.

I adore the dialogue in my comments section and the sense of community this format provides. I’ve connected with some incredible people, feeling so grateful our paths have crossed. After leaving my job teaching art, I’ve discovered an outlet for my creativity – the lack of which has been gnawing on my psyche since my cross-country move. And, I’ve regained a passageway to understanding myself in relation to the world. Starting this blog has been a good thing for me, in the spiritually fulfilling sense.

But the one thing missing was the presence of The Philosopher.

I began dropping casual hints: “What did you do today?” he’d ask.

“Wrote an article for my blog,” I’d answer, waiting for him to ask how he might find his way here. Silence. Hmm.

I tried luring him in with flattery: “That’s the most clever thing you’ve ever said, I think I’ll steal it and put it in my blog.” Silence. Again.

I tempted him with the brilliance of others, telling him about the comedians, the thinkers, the activists and all other brands of fabulous writers I’ve encountered. No bite. Not even a nibble.

Then I pulled out the big guns and began firing off threats: “If you don’t stop that right now, Mister, I’ll blog about it! Ten million people could discover what you just did!” No tremble or cower. Not even a whimper.

Finally, I came right out and said it (who says women are hard to figure out?): “I am waiting for you to ask to see my blog.” Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. My feelings were hurt. I didn’t understand his disinterest. I began obsessing about it. Had our relationship reached an impasse – I mean, when your beloved doesn’t want to see your blog, doesn’t that mean something . . . something bad?

I distracted myself by writing a piece about The Philosopher’s basketball games. And then I waited, as women do, for those three little words they need to hear when feeling insecure, unworthy or both. Just a little affirmation was all I needed. And finally, those three words passed his lips . . .

“Where’s your blog?”

Be still, my heart! I sent him a link and he dove right in. He loved it. He loved the layout, the photos, the writing. Redemption! He told his friends and co-workers. My stat meter was soon registering hits from his office. Shortly thereafter, he presented me with my dream camera, saying the three words I really wanted to hear:

“Love your blog.” Awww.

So, of course I asked, “How come you didn’t want to see it before?”

He told me he thought I’d been spending my hours in a chat room or message board. “I had no idea what a blog was,” he said.

Oh, I hadn’t thought of that.
Rhonda Ruminated at 11:46 AM | Permalink |

12 Ruminations:

  • At 3:26 PM, Blogger St Jude

    Oh sweetheart, I have the same problem, however, his Lordship is very much the Yorkshire man. He needs to understand what the reason is. Does it serve a purpose. Unfortunately to his eyes at present my blog serves no purpose and has no reason. But I love him still.

  • At 5:03 PM, Blogger Charlie

    Ah-HAH! You had one of those DUH! moments. If someone had mentioned the word "blog" to me a few months ago, I would have responded, "My cooking isn't that bad."

  • At 6:45 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom

    Bahahaha! Hubby checks mine all the time. If he doesn't, (he's been really busy), he actually apologizes. The stinker.

    When he went back east, he wanted to give the address to his family. I was appalled. The thought of my in-laws reading it freaked me out. He said, "They're just regular people, Honey. I think they'd love it!"

    Uh huh.

  • At 4:47 PM, Blogger Nikki

    HA! I know just how you feel. Hubby doesn't care about my blog one bit. When we go into the computer room, I read him bits and peices (yes, including my series on my HIL) and his response will be something to the effect of (dead pan voice)"Oh yeah, that was good."

    Pretty good huh. Uh huh. I think I'll just kick him a couple of times to make myself feel better.

  • At 5:25 PM, Blogger Rhonda

    JUDE: I think I'm pretty lucky my guy understands the purpose - once he understood what the heck I was talking about, that is.

    POOPER: Funny and, yep, it was definitely a "Duh moment."

    ATILLA: I can only imagine. Were I to have in-laws reading this thing, I'd be sure to suffer permanent writer's block.

    NIKKI: Please kick him once or twice for me too :)

  • At 6:30 PM, Blogger AMYADOPTEE

    I don't know if my hubby reads mine but he sure understands its purpose. I put my anger into words and out there for the world to see. It makes me a happy camper and he believes in my fight just as much as I do. Only he isn't as vocal about it. In fact my entire family especially my adoptive family. So count your blog added to mine.

  • At 8:51 PM, Blogger Kathy

    Awww, how great to welcome Dr. Philosopher. The two of you together, a great writing team. Hard to believe you might improve on perfection here.

    I have to say, I haven't completely embarked on blogging, although I do enjoy it. I like the intelligent conversations, and the funny conversations that come from reading blogs. What a welcome change from chatrooms and message boards.

  • At 9:01 AM, Blogger Rhonda

    KATHY: Thank you, I'll pass your words onto the doc. I much prefer this to the message boards, too.

  • At 9:04 AM, Blogger Rhonda

    AMY: Thank you, so much. My other half seems to get the purpose too. Writing keeps me in balance and he appreciates seeing me balanced, even while the laundry piles up because I'm too busy writing ;o)

  • At 7:45 PM, Blogger AMYADOPTEE

    how do you do the picture thingy? I have been wanting to add a pic of me and one of the horses/pets to my blog. On occasion I want to put other pics in my blog like you have done. email me

  • At 6:32 AM, Blogger Jim

    I can relate. Boy can I relate! Mine doesn't have near the exposure that yours has but it's definitely a "crash & burn" after struggling to find the right words for complex thoughts or a poem, stroking them out, notifying the 40-50 people on my list and then watching the post sit there like dry dog crap in the Arizona sun.

    It's especially bad for the poems since for me they all spring from an immediate emotional experience and once they drop back some in the archives they fall into "what-have-you-done-for-me-lately" land.

    Oh, well! Blog on!

  • At 9:56 AM, Blogger Rhonda

    Hi Jim, Welcome and thanks for the thoughtful comment.